Wilfred, "Happiness"

     

       Before an episode even came out, Wilfred had gotten a lot of buzz.  It stars Elijah Wood!  It has a wacky premise!  Based on an Australian TV show, with the main actor returning as Wilfred!  Indie cred!  What could possibly go wrong?  As it turns out, they forgot one very important thing: it’s not very funny.

            The premise has Elijah Wood has Ryan, a suicidal man who’s asked by his neighbor to look after her Wilfred, her dog, for the day.  Only Ryan doesn’t see a dog.  He sees Jason Gann in a dog suit, who curses, smokes weed, and still does what you’d expect a dog to do.  Wacky hijinks ensue.

            Or the show just kind of sits around dully.  It’s hard to point out exactly where it goes wrong.  The concept is different, but should provide a lot of humor.  Elijah Wood and Jason Gann are both giving great performances here.  Maybe the problem is that it’s just not good enough at any field it tries.  The beginning of Ryan trying to commit suicide is some good dark comedy, but the rest of the show really isn’t that dark.  They try some sexual and other crude gags, but it just doesn’t work.  There’s a skill to getting crude humor just right that the show doesn’t find.  Maybe it’s just an Australian sense of humor, or a style of humor I just don’t get.  But it doesn’t work.

            And it’s obvious that the show is going to tease us about the implications of what Ryan is experiencing here, how it came to be and such.  But it still raises a lot of questions.  How much of it is Ryan’s hallucinating?  What do the other characters see as Ryan is talking to a dog?  I don’t know.  I don’t know what to think of the show as a whole.  I feel like I watched something for 30 minutes, had a few small laughs, and then turned it off and agreed to myself that I could live my life never watching it again.  Maybe it's just not my thing, maybe it's just bad.  In the end, it sure was a show, I guess?

Suits, "Pilot"

            USA has a certain theme to their shows as far as I know.  You have to have the wunderkind investigator who, in approximately an hour, will solve the case while getting into some sort of wacky antics.  At least, this is what I’ve gotten out of Psych, and what I know about White Collar and Monk.  From what I knew about Suits before watching it, I thought it was going to take this concept and put it in a law firm.  So it’s rather interesting to see that there is some seriousness to the situation.

            Mike Ross (Patrick J Adams) is a genius, but a pothead and has a dead-end life.  In an attempt to get some money for his grandmother, he reluctantly agrees to selling drugs, which turns out to be a setup by the police.  He runs away and ends up finding a recruitment drive for Harvard grads to become the associate of Harvey Specter (Gabriel Macht).  Harvey loves him and hires him, even though Mike hasn’t gone to law school, and if anybody else at the firm finds out, they’re both done.

            It’s a concept that sets itself up for a lot of wacky antics.  And yet the pilot almost completely avoids this.  In fact, in one of the first scenes, Harvey does exactly the kind of thing you’d expect a USA star to do…and then later, we find out it was a completely idiotic move and cost him a promotion.  It’s almost like shooting down the whole idea that this is going to be Psych in a law firm, which it could’ve easily been.  Mike has a great attention for details just like in Psych, but he doesn’t use it to suddenly break the case.  Instead, he just takes advantage of it to get him out of tough situations.

            Mike is also a more dual-sided character than I’m used to in a show like this.  He holds on to the briefcase from the initial drug deal throughout the pilot, just in case things don’t work out and he absolutely needs the money.  The preview for later episodes also make it seem like his pothead nature could easily turn back on him and hurt his career, but then, this could just be the network manipulating the previews to make it seem that way. 

            The one thing I didn’t really like was that there wasn’t much focus on the case of the episode.  I think a good deal of this was simply because a lot of time had to spent on developing the characters and the situation, so I’m hoping this doesn’t happen too often.  It ended up that a lot of time was just spent on legalese, and not the incredible case-breaking moments I’d expect out of a show like this.  Or maybe it’s just not going to be a show like that.  The disadvantage to only watching the pilot, I suppose.

            It’s definitely peaked my interest, though.  The premise is played more seriously than I would’ve expected, and the show is better for it.  But it still doesn’t forget to throw in some fun when it needs it.  At the very least, it’s an interesting addition to USA’s lineup.

Fast & Furious

            Besides the string of hilariously ridiculous sequel titles, I’ve never had much of an interest in the Fast and The Furious series.  There must be something worthwhile, though, considering they recently came out with the fifth movie in the series to a good critical and commercial reaction.  Fast & Furious, the fourth movie in the franchise, shows some of why I imagine the series got popular.

            The story intersects between Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) and Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) going after the same heroin druglord.  Dom’s after him because one of his men killed his girlfriend, while Brian’s an FBI agent who’s been put on a 72 hour time limit to stop him before the case is permanently closed.  There’s a lot of plot points in the movie that I imagine only make sense if you’ve seen the first movie, a sentence I never thought I would write about a Fast and the Furious movie.  But you can figure it out if you’ve seen an action movie in your lifetime.  The characters are just walking action movie clichés, given the minimum of depth and sent out in the world to blow things up.

            And the movie blows things up well.  Whenever it gets to a high-speed car chase, you know you’re in for a good time.  The film’s really big setpiece involves a race through the Los Angeles streets that features plenty of stunts, car crashes, and a little humor.  Although some of the last part comes from the pure cheeseball nature of it.  The GPS that’s leading them through the race has digital flag girls appear.  I don’t know whether it’s meant to be hilarious or not, but it does mean you’re going to take the movie with all the levity you should be taking it.

            It’s too bad that, when it’s not in a car, the movie tends to grind to a halt.  The plot is meaningless and any time spent on it is time wasted.  At least when you’re watching Paul Walker, you’re watching somebody who has a decent level of acting ability, enough that you’re interested in him when he’s on screen.  And his FBI plotline could’ve had some depth in another movie.  Vin Diesel, or at least a cardboard cutout that looks suspiciously like him, mumbles out every line and has the constant facial expression of someone who hasn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in a few days.  Angry, sad, happy, it doesn’t matter.  And it really doesn’t, since his revenge plotline is just pointless in the long run, giving him little more than a reason to be put into a car, which is where the movie should be.

            Fast & Furious is a good movie when it’s in the middle of the action.  When it’s not, it’s a mediocre movie, and slips further any time they try to put the camera on Vin Diesel.  At the very least, it’s worth watching with the fast-forward button close by.

July releases of note

I’m going to try out something new here.  This is a list of my thoughts on what’s coming out in July.  Not all stuff I’m looking forward to, but my reactions and hopefully a preview of upcoming reviews.

MOVIES

Transformers: Dark of the Moon: I rather enjoyed the first Transformers movie.  It’s a shame that Revenge of the Fallen had to have bad sex jokes and John Turturro’s ass, an image that will be forever ingrained in a part of my brain I only hope I can erase someday.  But with Michael Bay backing off on the attempts at humor for this one, not to mention the really awesome-looking trailers, I have hopes.  Don't let me down.

Zookeeper: God no.

Horrible Bosses:  I am really interested in this movie because of the cast.  Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston, and a totally-against-type Colin Farrell as the bad bosses?  Not to mention the trailers actually have some jokes in them, something that seems rare for most of the other raunchy R-rated comedies coming out.  At the very least, I’m planning on renting this.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2: Do I even need to explain why I’m seeing this one?

Winnie the Pooh: Sorry, guys, I love you, I really do, but barely an hour long and the same weekend as Harry Potter?  Yeah, this one’s going to wait for a rental.

Captain America: The First Avenger: Not only is this pretty much required viewing simply because on the road to the Avengers movie, but it’s looking like a pretty good movie.  The previews make it seem like it’s really going to play on the World War II meets the Marvel universe root of the comics.  Not to mention Hugo Weaving as the Red Skull, and the Howling Commandoes (albeit minus Nick Fury, but for obvious reasons) are a huge fanboy bonus.

Friends with Benefits: It’s hilarious that Natalie Portman was in No Strings Attached, and now Mila Kunis, her Black Swan costar, is in the same damn movie with a different name.  I’m holding out for the third iteration with either Winona Ryder or the guy who ran the dance studio.  Preferably both…

Cowboys and Aliens: Looking like a really nice twist on both genres involved, plus Jon Favreau and a good cast. 

The Smurfs: This is something I should be dismissing without a second thought, especially since I hate The Smurfs.  But it’s actually looking, uh…almost watchable.  The director also did the Scooby-Doo movies, which are complete guilty pleasures for me.  And Neil Patrick Harris as the human…hrm…

TV

Alphas: SyFy may not have a clue what their channel is even for anymore, and continues to churn out hilariously bad made-for-TV movies, but I will give them credit for one thing: they’ve made some good original shows.  The concept of superpowered people investigating cases could easily lend itself to a lot of fun if they play it right.

Hell’s Kitchen: Last season devolved into the bitches versus the assholes, and nobody I would even consider rooting for.  Unlikeable contestants year after year and a formula that’s worn out its welcome, or I could just watch Ramsey’s much better MasterChef.  I’ll take the latter.

Web Therapy: Showtime’s put out some great series, and Lisa Kudrow had the best character from what I’ve seen of Friends.

VIDEO GAMES

It is strangely difficult to find video game release dates, likely because how often delays come up.  So uh…Torchlight 2’s coming out.  That might be cool, although Torchlight wasn’t really my thing.  And there’s a new Call of Juarez, which has apparently angered all the fans by being set in modern-day Mexico, not that I’ve played the first two games.  And there’s games for Harry Potter, Captain America, and Smurfs.  Which are all looking like they’ll be different levels of terrible.  Although Harry Potter lets you play as Molly Weasley, bitch.  So there’s a plus.  In general, it looks like I can safely avoid touching any games coming out in July and be fine.

Falling Skies: "Live and Learn" and "The Armory"

            At some point in the first part of this two-hour premiere for Falling Skies (which is really two completely different episodes attached together for no reason), the main character, Tom Mason, is trying to convince the commander of the resistance to let him go find his son by saying “What would you do if you could get your kids back?”  There is a quiet moment as the commander contemplates this…and then Tom says “He’s my son.”  This is the kind of terrible writing that completely destroys what the show is trying to do.

            The general premise of the show is an alien invasion, which is capturing humans for…some reason, that I’m sure is defined in the future.  We follow the resistance, as they…uh….resist?  The more I think back on the show, the less I actually know about the situation as a whole.  The exposition is told to us at the start through kid’s drawings and their narration.  This is an interesting idea, but it has the unfortunate fact that A. we don’t get to actually see the events leading up to what happened and B. we have to listen to kids talk.  Even a short clip of the initial invasion would be fine.  Instead, I feel the ads that I saw on Youtube did a better job of telling what happened. 

            The first episode’s plot involves…uh…nothing.  Nothing at all.  The characters just kind of be for an hour.  Well, there’s some plot points, including Hal, one of Tom’s three sons, finding out that Ben “He’s my son” Mason is still alive, but that’s setting up a plot point for later.  We see the resistance move around from place to place, which is about as thrilling as it sounds.  There’s never any danger, no tension.  There’s no alien ships flying overhead, or the fear that one of the aliens’ mechs will suddenly pop out of nowhere and start firing.  Instead, it’s just scenes of people walking and talking.  After about 40 minutes, some of the resistance members raid a food stock and finally fight some aliens.  Where it turns out that they’re complete failures at this.  In the next episode, it’s a shocker when it turns out it’s easier to hit the aliens if you shoot their legs, slowing them down.  Instead, they just fire wildly and luck out.  When they look at the alien afterwards, he’s…adorable.  I’m not disgusted or terrified.  I want to give him a hug or buy a plushie of him (by the way, TNT, plushies of the aliens?  Awesome idea).  At the very end, we see a scene where a little kid rides on a skateboard, and everybody just looks on and smiles.  If this was a good show, this would be the scene where suddenly the aliens attack, the kid dies and the audience’s jaws drop as we find out that anyone can die.  Since this isn’t a good show, it’s just a sickeningly sweet moment, and then they move on.

            The second episode at least has a plot.  The resistance is trying to get some guns from an armory, where they run into another gang, who’s more villainous.  We can tell this because the gang leader calls the black and Asian members of the resistance “a….uh….gangbanger, and….uh….I think…some kind of Oriental”.  Offensive!  My virgin ears can hardly take this villainy!  Yep, he’s about as weak as he sounds, constantly struggling to try and sound all evil, while generally failing at it.  The sad part is, he’s also better developed than the main character, who’s downright flat.  He’s a designated hero, through and through.  We’re supposed to nod at him and say “Our hero!”, but instead he has about as much screen presence as a lamp.  When he goes against his commander’s orders, instead of getting chewed out, the commander just says the equivalent of “You rascal, go and get your son!”  After we have another sweet moment with his young kid, of course.

            I get what they’re trying to do here.  It’s like they really want to be the next Walking Dead.  Having read The Walking Dead, it does it better.  There’s a better sense of characters, tension that jumps off the page, and the fear that your favorite character could be the next one to die.  Falling Skies is full of flat characters and boring, poorly-written dialogue.  Just a bad show.

Cooking Mama 3: Shop & Chop

            Cooking Mama is a series that never should’ve worked as anything besides ridiculous novelty.  It’s a game with a bunch of silly mini-games about cooking.  Yet it’s had three DS titles, two Wii titles, several spin-offs, and even more entries into the franchise coming soon.  North America sales alone are 8.5 million.  And Shop & Chop is easily the best iteration of the game yet.

            If you haven’t played Cooking Mama before, it’s an easy game to jump into.  You pick a recipe, and each recipe has various steps.  Depending on what it is, you may need to cut ingredients, mix them up, crack an egg, or grill things, to give a small sampling.  Each step is graded as either gold for doing it perfect, silver for doing it OK, or bronze for completely messing it up, all accompanied with hilarious Engrish quotes from Mama.

            So really, the big thing that makes the game is the variety of mini-games, since otherwise, you’re just doing the same thing over and over.  And this game adds in even more variety, and fixes games that used to be more difficult.  For instance, cracking eggs now has two different mini-games associated with it.  Stir-frying ingredients has three, and the classic one has been made a lot simpler.  You used to have to try to time putting in your ingredients.  Now, it tells you when to put them in.  What used to be a complete game of luck has been made a lot easier.  I go a perfect score both times it came up.  With all the variety, though, it’s a bit disappointing to see some boring or difficult games still around.  Peeling stuff has never been particularly fun, and I’ve never figured out the trick to straining ingredients without relying on luck.  The worst is the meat-grinding game, which requires you to spin your stylus in a clockwise motion.  Every other mini-game with spinning lets you choose between clockwise or counter-clockwise (which I find a lot easier), so it’s weird that this forces you into one direction.

            The game’s other big strength is the sheer ridiculousness of the mini-games you play.  Oh sure, it would be a lot easier to press your fork on the gnocchi if they were sitting still instead of rolling by, but where’s the fun in that?  Why are bones suddenly appearing while you’re trying to put icing on cookies?  Who knows?  Mama’s world seems to exist in some crazy land where this makes sense, where hamburger ingredients fall from the sky and you have to catch them, where pulling off grapes in the wrong direction sends them flying.  It’s the complete charm of the game.  If it was normal, it would just be shovelware.  Since it’s so over-the-top, it’s just so enjoyable.  Oh, and instant ramen is back.  Yes, one of the dishes you have to make is instant ramen, and one of the mini-games requires you to open the packaging.  I love it.

            The really new element to this game is the other half of the title: shopping.  It’s nice to have something new like this added to the game, but it’s not very interesting.  You tap with your stylus around the grocery store, finding ingredients and trying not to run into other customers.  It really should’ve used the D-pad for this.  As it is, you have to rely on the pathfinding, which can be weird at times, and you don’t get the good sense of control you would have with a D-pad.  If you run into another customer, you either lose a heart, or you have to play a mini-game.  This is more of the madness the mode needs.  For instance, running into a grocery store employee giving out free samples entered me into a game where I had to tap flying dishes to eat all of them.  The main part should’ve been just as ridiculous as this.  Make me bag the items in a Tetris-game, try to pick out correct change for the cashier, have to avoid running into customers with my shopping cart.  Don’t make the mini-games only come up by running into something I’m trying to avoid.  The other problem with this mode is that it’s a separate menu item from the cooking.  There really should’ve been better integration, or at least a good reason to go shopping from time to time.

            Overall, Cooking Mama 3 is the franchise’s greatest.  If you love Cooking Mama, it’s a must-play.  If you haven’t played Cooking Mama, this is the perfect time to do so.  4 is coming out soon, you’ve got to catch up.